Waiting in the Darkness

        There are seasons in life in which it seems like the ground around us is shaking and our heads swarm with all the overwhelming issues that life deals to us. For me, I feel like I have been living in a long season of struggle.

Don’t get me wrong here, I would not dare to compare my problems with someone else. I am well aware that the things I deal with are a far cry from my brothers and sisters in Christ who are giving their lives for the sake of the Gospel or even with others who may be facing serious health issues or illnesses. I often feel guilty for focusing on my burdens, not just because they are often of my own making, but because they are so petty compared to others I know.

But no matter how much I try to convince myself that I just need to “get over it,” I can’t let go of how I feel. I can smile and put on a good face with the best of them, but lately it feels as if all of my prayers and all my hopes are being sucked into a dark vortex of despair and regret. And although my mind tells me that better days are ahead and that this is just an attack of the enemy, I want to retreat inside myself and shut off anyone and everyone from the outside.

I know that I’m not the only one who has felt this way or dealt with things like this. Most of us, at different times, are confronted by situations that snatch the ground from under our feet and blind us with hopelessness. Maybe you are in the same place that I am right now. But in moments like these, what are we to do? Where are we to turn? One thing I’ve found is that there’s no benefit to trying to sweep it under the rug or retreat from the world. Doing so will just delay the inevitable. We must deal with these issues and the only solace that I have found in doing so, is to boldly move forward in trust. As I push forward, I’m going to choose to live obediently and trust in the Lord: in His character, in His purpose, and in His timing.

I can trust in God’s character because I know Him. I know what He has done for me and for all those who have faithfully trusted in Him in the past and I know that He will continue to do that for those who follow Him in obedience in the future. The Apostle Paul reminds in Romans 8 that, “…for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8.28 ESV)

I can trust the Lord’s purpose because, as Paul points out, He is working all things for good. I’m not going “prosperity gospel” here, I’m well aware that some of those who faithfully followed the Lord lost lands, homes, loved ones, and even their lives. The good He is working isn’t necessarily for my perceived “good.” God is not orchestrating things according to how He thinks will make Paul Beam happy. He is working with an eternity that I can’t see or understand and He is making sure that it works according to His plan, not mine. And that’s great with me because when He works everything according to His plan and purpose, it will be for my good and benefit. Because He’s promised that He will provide for all those who follow Him by faith.

And I can also trust in God’s timing, because He holds each moment in His hands, and in His plan, everything will happen as He has designed it. I don’t need to try to force things or try to make things happen. He’s in control and He will move the chess pieces of life whenever He determines they need to move. I just simply need to wait for Him to move in the direction He chooses to go. The Lord reminds us, in Isaiah 40, that, “…they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40.31 ESV)

You don’t have to remind me, I know that all of this is easier to talk about than to do. Nothing about this is easy. It’s not easy to trust in the Lord and take those action steps, but it’s also not easy to dwell on and stay in our pain and sorrow either. There are no easy steps either. We must put our focus on putting one foot in front of the other, with the finish line in mind. For me, this has been the only way forward. It’s the only way that I’ve been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Knowing God and His character helps me move forward, sometimes inch-by-inch, in faith and gives me the encouragement to live obediently toward Him. He’s given me every reason to continue to trust Him, and because of that I want to obey Him fully. I know that everything is not perfect and there will be more difficult places down the road, but to know I serve a God who will lead me through the valleys and into green pastures gives me the strength to follow Him.

As I write this, my wife and I are driving fourteen hours from our home in Pampa to take our youngest son to college in Louisville, Kentucky. Fourteen hours. This is the kid who never spent the night at a friend’s house, who would choose to stay home and be with his parents over going to the movies with friends, and who has never driven in a town of more than 18,000 people (Louisville has a population of 625,000). Yet, he knows God’s call on his life and he is willing to step out in faith to follow Him. And even though our hearts will break to drive away and leave him so far away from us, we’re so proud of him! He’s my hero. He is the perfect example of overcoming the fears and doubts and moving forward in obedience to where God is leading.

I’m not sure what season of life you may be in. In your world, the sun may be shining and the birds may be singing. Or maybe you find yourself, like me, with the dark shadows of fear and sorrow creeping in. But no matter what external situation you may find yourself in, no matter the depth of the joy or sorrow, you can trust in the Lord’s character, purpose, and timing because He is working all things out for His glory, which will be for our good.

As much as I may doubt it at times, the old hymn writer had it correct when he wrote:
Trust and obey,
For there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus,
But to trust and obey.

This has given me so much hope when I had none. I pray that it helps you as well.